I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
