Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
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I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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