Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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