Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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