i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
