I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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