a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
