She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
