too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
