woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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