Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
