take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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