You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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