we're chasing vodka with high fives
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
