Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
