ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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