I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it penis luge time yet?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
