I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
