He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
