is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize