she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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