She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
