Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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