I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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