I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
