If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
