Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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