can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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