so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
