just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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