If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
