Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Text me some of your sweat
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