It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
