i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
