I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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