dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
