somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
