Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
