absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
