Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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