somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He has the fingertips of a God
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