I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
