dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
