he wants to bone in the snuggie
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
