ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
