She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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