We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
