oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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