This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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