lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
