he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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