So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
