Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
home. puking in laundry basket.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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