Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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