This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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