Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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