Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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