I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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