jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
