So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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