Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
