break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
