Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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