I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
