The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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