I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
