Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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