3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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