get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
