I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
