bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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