If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
