I am puke
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
