I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
