it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
