Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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